January 26, 2015

January 26, 2015

As someone who has to "go" fairly frequently, I am no stranger to the idea of The Restroom.  Public restrooms, Portable restrooms, and restrooms that I create in the dirt (sometimes on the side of the road) have become some of my very best friends in trying times. At the age of fourteen I began my janitorial career at a local elementary school where I happily cleaned the restrooms for hours after school each day. You see, Bathrooms and I go way back.

The date is January 26th, Two-Thousand Fifteen. The chilled green air clouds our breath, sight, and mind as booming grey clouds prepare us for snow that will likely never fall. Last time you heard from @officialkelsieb or me, harsh chemicals freshly coated our luscious locks and sucked out any color we may have had. Our frosted hair acted as a symbol of light that promised our faithful followers with heroic guidance through the awkward winter months. Weeks passed after our bleached hair's inaugural post with no sign of activity. You would regularly refresh our page, yearning for the type of new content that could answer life's mysteries. What is the meaning of life? Where do we go after we die? Do these shoes go with the rest of my outfit? 

By Kelsie Bowler and 
Addison Butler

This has been a week of major developments in the Transmogony offices (aka Kelsie and Addison's respective living quarters and libraries). First, Taylor Swift dropped her fifth studio album and showed the world that it's not Beyonce that should be the object of our bowing down, but Ms. Swift. Second, Kelsie was chased after by a member of the opposite sex for the very first time (though the man was in fact a security guard under the impression she was committing an act of thievery at her school's library). Finally, our lives took a dramatic turn as we liberally applied harmful chemicals to our hairs to strip them of any natural color (or unnatural for that matter seeing that Kels had bleached her hair already once before) to reach a beautiful shade of ICY WHITE normally set aside for princesses of the snow. 


By Kelsie Bowler

I have been #blessed, you see, for I am able to attend a reputable private university. However, this university is able to enforce a fairly strict standard of "dress and grooming" including regulations on the length of one's pant hem and neckline. While I do struggle with the desire to wear mid thigh length shorts for the few weeks in a school year in which they sound desirable, the facet of these "Dress and Grooming Standards" which is hardest for me to comply falls in the realm of hair color.

You see, the trendy mermaid/unicorn/rainbow-puke hair is vaguely outlawed for students who wish to be able to do things such as take tests or receive many other services with the statement: "Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extremes in styles or colors".

Transitioning to Fall

By Addison Butler

There has always been something oddly comforting to me about having rules. Seeing signs demanding swimmers not to dive in the shallow end of a pool have bestowed upon me an astounding amount of security through the years, easing my internal anxiety caused by a natural inclination to assume the absolute bloodiest outcome in high-risk activities such as swimming and ping-pong. 

We seek rules for just about everything: How many rings can I wear before it’s considered “bad taste”? Which shirt best matches my skin tone? Is this bun all right? And to questions like these there are automated responses that seem to spurt out within a matter of seconds.

Faking It

By Kelsie Bowler

This should not be news, but @officialkelsieb is now a blonde.  In fact she has been a blonde for long enough that her brown roots have reclaimed over an inch of their territory.

Anyone with class and dignity would have popped right back to their beloved hair dresser's chair as soon as the roots became noticeable, but that happened for me a week after the initial procedure.  I then realized that if I had to go in every week to keep up this blonde facade I was going to a) be even more broke than I am, b) waste a lot of time in a hair dresser's chair when there are many other things that I would rather spend my time doing (i.e. making mac & cheese), and c) have to develop a relationship with my hairdresser and I honestly don't like her as a person that much.

Call for Fall

By Addison Butler

#September2k14 as we know it is less than a week away from eternal termination from our collective cognitive calendar That's chill until you realize there has been, like, maybe two full days of autumn-esque weather in Salt Lake this month. I don't know about you, but if you ask me that is a rather ridiculous fact to have to come to terms with. With only two official months left of the heralded season (one, if you reside in Utah where the odd winter-like season creeps in weeks before the rest of the Northern Hemisphere), it is apparent that there has been a devious withholding of happiness for Autumn lovers like me from that power hungry, fiendish lady we call Mother Nature.