Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Back to Back to School

By Addison Butler

Following the sartorial tragedy that was my last first day of college, I felt it necessary to put in some sort of effort of redemption. Considering the fact that I sported a repeat outfit on the only day specifically set aside to show off all your sick new threads (thats what the kids are saying these days, isn't it?) I figured I have probably lost the trust of a number of you faithful readers and that is a fact I'm simply not okay with.

Anyway here's my schpeal (intended to both rectify my failures and completely justify them at the same time because what is life without a little meaningless and confusing contradictions?): anyone can put a decent amount of effort into picking out that monumental outfit for the first day, but who consciously takes the time to impress on the second, third, or twenty-third day? The real boss-ass bitches, that's who.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Back to Basics

By Addison Butler 

It occurred to me about halfway through the train ride up to campus this morning that today very well might be my last first day of school. As the car grumbled along the track (and right after the moment a large man with a thick accent made a joke about dying to me in an effort to poke fun at the fact that I was listening to music on my phone too loud) this terrifying idea entered my thoughts and had me emotionally and mentally for a solid 13 minutes. But it's true! Thanks to too many AP credits and two years of accidental scholarly success at the University of Utah I may be graduated from COLLEGE a year from now. 

Now, for most people this news is so grand that it would incite an immediate explosion of celebration, but for me it means only one thing: say goodbye to the over-hyped excitement and childlike awe revolving around the first day of school...

Friday, August 22, 2014


By Addison Butler

You can try and contend me on this assertion, but as far as I'm concerned seals are the cutest animals on the planet. They're not my favorite animal by any means, but with those round, eternally jolly faces sure do give koalas, lions, and pandas a run for their money on the not-so-imaginary list of Earth's (or just my) most valued animals. 

My point? We, as humans, need to be a little more like seals. They're effortlessly adorable, they're always smiling, and (most importantly) they aren't afraid of grey. They wear all grey all day errday without the slightest bit of shame. 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Newport Newsflash

By Addison Butler

We have to cut things a little short this morning due to the excruciatingly exciting fact that both Kelsie and I are basking in the overpriced glory that is Disneyland. That aside, we have news too exciting to withhold. The Queen and I are taking the precious time we could be spending waiting in line, forking up $20 on an ice cream cone and some fruit, waiting in line, or waiting in line to share with YOU one of fashion's greatest secrets.

Friday, August 15, 2014

If You Can't Join Them, Beat Them

By Kelsie Bowler

There is an excessive amount of irony in my life (I blame this on my date of birth, which happens to be April Fool’s Day). So, the day I felt the most powerful in my 20 years of life was ironically the day after I got my wallet stolen by a pickpocket (whose name I speculate to be Preston) on the Piccadilly line of the London Underground.

I woke up the next morning. I showered. I did my makeup. I curled my hair. I put on (one of) my sequin shirt(s) and I got my butt out of my flat. (Sequin shirts are essential.)

You see, I thought I was smart when I bought a J. Crew keychain wallet and attached my keys to it.  Then the wallet was stolen and the keys went with it and it turns out I was not that smart. (Unfortunately I have not learned from my mistakes and still have my keys attached to my new J. Crew keychain wallet. It's true, some people never learn.)

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Daddy Bloggin'

At this point I'm sure it would be no shock if I told you mommy blogs account for nearly 78% of the internet. That statistic was obviously pulled right out of my gorgeous ass, but the principle stays the same. Living in a rather affluent area of the Salt Lake Valley might have an effect on my perception of this, but it seems to me that every young, bleached blonde, and freshly boob-jobbed hot mom chronicles every waking moment of their uncomfortably attractive lives of cleaning, decorating, whining, and dining on their cute, "vintage-chic" websites. 

My friends and I incessantly crack jokes on the subject, and by the way we talk it seems that being an 'esteemed' mommy-blogger is all we really aspire to be in life anyway. I mean, who doesn't want to spend their good years dressing up their children in the latest trends and painting the 'statement wall' of their children's nursery in white and mint chevron or take newborn pics with hilariously oversized flowers?